Have you ever really taken notice of how people are making you feel? Have you ever taken the time out to think how you make others feel?
That’s been my challenge this week, sitting back and listening to how my body responds after having contact with different people.
Who leaves me feeling motivated? Whose name am I always excited to see pop up in my inbox?
Likewise, who leaves me feeling drained, who leaves me feeling like I’m not good enough?
It was interesting. Possibly too interesting, for one thing I did notice was the sly insults, thankfully not plentiful, but enough for me to tip my head to the side and wonder if this is some how subconsciously affecting me.
It started with the new hair cut. I’ve had 5 inches chopped off, my first ‘more than a trim’ in over a decade, and the response I got was “It looks lovely but I can’t really tell the difference” I normally would have let that completely wash over me, but it unleashed a torrent of anxious memories where any achievements have always been undermined, anything I did was fine but underwhelming, there’s a constant response to not be allowed to be raise too far up. Has the seemingly innocent dialogue helped me form an image of myself that I now need to undo.
Then there’s the flip side. Do I do enough for other people? I would always class myself as an absent friend. I’m so bad at keeping in contact with people, but if you need me I’m there, but is that enough? Why am I not celebrating all these amazing people in my life and their achievements?
It’s a two way street and one that I’m quite eager to start walking down.