I have so many ambitions, so many hopes and dreams. So many things I want to do, and yet for pretty much every single desire I tell myself "I’ll do it when I lose some weight". That it will be so much better when I am a different dress size. Sometimes I even convince myself I’m not worthy of doing it til I’m smaller, that some how all my goals depend on my totally on my weight.
I’m caught in a vicious cycle though.
All my dreams scare me to a certain extent, or at least I’m scared of failing on them, petrified I’m not good enough to bring them into fruition. So I don’t lose the weight, because then I can convince myself it’s not the right time, just keep pushing that start date further and further back.
Please don’t get me wrong, there’s definitely other issues. I am a complete emotional eater, and I hold my hands up to that. Feel sad? A family size bag of crisps will sort that. Anxious? Let’s have a takeaway! Inferior? Ohhh let’s grab the biscuits.
But I think my main issue in losing weight is self sabotage, because I’m so scared of the next step, and this is the easiest way to put it off.
I have to acknowledge I am keeping myself from ever moving forward and I know it’s time I face it head on.
So today I pledge that I am not waiting for weight. I’m going to start acting like the person I want to be despite the number on the scale.
I’m going to eat healthier, and move more because it’s what my body deserves, but if my shape stays that same that wont hold me back and the path to working out who I am.
I’m starting small, tomorrow I get my hair cut. It’s been almost a decade since I’ve had more than a slight trim, and I repeatedly tell myself when I have my dream body then I can have my dream hair. *insert eye roll here* when I say it out loud it sounds so silly - how, and why would I deprive myself of a hair cut?!
Then on Friday, I’m making a proper list, and starting it. Regardless what the scales say.
Shop: Don't wait for weight